Recovery Story • Important Dates • Twelfth Step Within

Q: The OA pamphlet The Tools of Recovery says, “It is not a break of anonymity to enlist Twelfth-Step help for group members in trouble, provided we are careful to refrain from discussing any specific personal information” (p. 6). Where is the fine line between breaking someone’s anonymity and doing Twelfth-Step work to help an OA member in relapse?

A: It may sound contradictory to encourage OA members to carry the message to members in relapse while not discussing personal information, but it can be done. If I learn that another member is in relapse, I have several options.

First, I can pray for guidance, asking for the right situation in which to approach my relapsed friend and offer support through the Steps. Such a prayer might precipitate an attitude of true service rather than one of attempting to fix, manipulate or change someone else.

Second, I can talk with other members about my desire to be of service in the situation. This can be done without revealing the identity of the relapsed member. Sincere solicitation of others’ points of view can open me to inner wisdom. It is crucial, however, that I protect the anonymity of my friend at all costs. Such a session could easily turn from one of service to gossip.

After doing these two things, I can invite the relapsed member for coffee, call him or her on the phone, or write a brief letter expressing my caring and willingness to help. It’s important, though, to back off if the recipient of the kindness doesn’t want it. If the person is not ready, the person is not ready. I may be well-intentioned, but if I come on too strongly, I could sour my friend on OA forever.

As one of the tools of the program, anonymity safeguards our unity as a Fellowship. Gossiping and taking inventory of other members weakens our ability to carry the message, both as individuals and as a Fellowship. But we mustn’t let anonymity prevent us from taking action when it is appropriate and needed. Service is the cornerstone of our program. Without it, we wouldn’t have much left.

— Members of the Board of Trustees provide answers to these questions

WSBC 2007 Ask-It Basket Questions

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Click on the link below to see an archive of previous Ask-It Basket questions and answers. Remember that these answers are the opinions of individual members of the Board of Trustees and others may have different opinions. It's a good idea to read other OA materials that address an issue and ask around in meetings for more opinions. Also keep in mind that circumstances change and opinions are refined over time.

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