“The will of God will not lead me where the grace of God will not protect me.”

When I am living in God’s will, I love this phrase. It gives me great comfort. When I am not living in God’s will, it’s a nice reminder to get back with the program, because it works.

The big question is always how can I be sure if I’m doing my will or God’s? My will is forced, turbulent and chaotic, filled with obstacles and struggles. Nothing seems to fall into place, and I find myself constantly wondering what I’m doing wrong. When I’m running on my will, I take life in chunks. I’m obsessing about the calendar. What’s due, and when? What’s going on next week? How many appointments do I have to squeeze in this week? “Holy cow! This is such a busy month!” Before I know it, I have absolutely no clue that living life one day at a time is even an option. I’ve forgotten. My will does that to me.

God’s will is a much different ride. I’m finding it difficult even to describe life in God’s will because I have much less experience with it! What I can tell you is that for me thus far, living God’s will one day at a time has not been lonely. I’ve been in constant contact with my sponsor, dietician, therapist and other members of the Fellowship. Not hurting myself with food or exercise daily has been tough. I’m used to hurting myself. I know how to do that. But that is NOT God’s will for me. OA has taught me that. Living God’s will one day at a time has not been easy. As the Big Book says, “Simple, but not easy…a price had to be paid.” It is arduous at times. Other times I feel like I’m just floating around, surrounded by the love of God. I will take either of these two options over my days stuck in the food.

I once heard the difference described this way: Life before surrender is like boxing. You’re working hard, bobbing, weaving. BAM! You get punched in the eye. You go back to bobbing and weaving. BAM! Another hit, then another! By the end you’re exhausted, sweaty, dirty, beaten and bloody.

Life after surrender is like surfing. It still requires much effort on your part to participate, but if you go with the flow and ride the waves, you enjoy it! Despite the ups and downs, you’ve got balance today, so you can handle it. You’ve got the breeze in your hair, sun on your face and a nice smooth ride.

Today I choose to surf with God and all of you, rather than box alone in life. The view is wonderful, and in the end I have more life to live and a wonderful group of friends to live it with.

Thanks, OA!

— Stacy P., Lomira, Wisconsin USA

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