Speaking from the trenches

My Declaration
I am willing to rise above my life’s struggle and figure out what else there might be. I will stop trying to “get perfect” and try instead to retrieve my lost self and lost body. I will have direction and be complete.

I will seek a sponsor as soon as I feel a connection, but I’ll get started this week. I will come up with ideas for my plan of eating. I will recognize my fused identity: body and spirit. I will find reasons to love my present body and embrace actions that contribute to its health. I will stop negative thoughts. I will recreate my story and write another, acknowledging the old story’s myth and seeing it for its deception.

I will gravitate toward my truest self and people who affirm that self. I will faithfully work the OA program, gleaning from it what I can and leaving what I cannot absorb, without bitterness. I will work on healing scars and use OA as a healing process from the pain of my story. I will sacrifice much and will accept the grief I feel from those losses.

I will spend more time alone in a sacred space that enables me to know my emerging self and body. With vigilance, I will care for myself each time I ingest food and will make a serious change in my attitudes about food and feeding myself. I will hold myself in compassion and love myself despite, or because of, my powerlessnes.

I will refrain from negative self-talk and replace that nasty voice with a kinder one. I will immerse myself in fellowship with OA members, as well as with other friends. I will involve them in this process, lean hard when I need to and remain an individual throughout. I will honor my voice and not judge myself harshly. By doing that, I will learn not to judge others.

I will respect my body, feeding it well and learning to understand the connection between my thinking and hunger. I will be aware of the emotions that go along with this endeavor and be honest with others and myself. I will not use the word “wrong.”

I understand I will feel strong symptoms of withdrawal because of what I must give up. A great loneliness will try to sneak in, but I will endure through prayer, support, writing and self-love. I will find light and be light, trying to be enthusiastic about the new things I’m learning. I will honor my nervousness and have serenity around hunger and food. I will remember the energy it took to maintain such violent self-hatred and my choice to spend energy elsewhere. I will recognize that I must eat carefully and refuse to be reckless. I will learn when to fight and when not to, and how to be a whole person.

I will fill myself with other things when I’m no longer physically hungry and will accept my body in whatever form it takes. To be peaceful, I will retain my strong opinions in the pursuit of learning. I will learn to be comfortable in my body, both naked and clothed, and I will like me.

I will use the concepts I’ve gathered in therapy, reading and OA to learn self-love. I will let things go when I need to. I will always be safe. I will be able to do this. I will make room in my body for my large and voluptuous spirit and will align my body with that spirit. I will win over the darkness of my past and learn what it means to be healthy.

— K.B., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA

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